The stupid demon is ruining my life!

Ok, so let me start off by saying that I’m not like all the other girls who get scared and shit when they hear about ghosts and demons and stuff. I think the paranormal is like so kewl. So when Cindy and Sherry came over with the Ouija board, I was like totally do DTD (that means Down To Demon LOLZ). Anyway, we se up the board and the little thingie that moves over it in my room. We sat on the floor on my $3000 Persian rug. I don’t mind sitting on the floor like that. I’m just like so down to Earth, it’s unbelievable.


Cindy started chanting some sort of mantra. It sounded Asian. I LOVE Asia. It’s like my favorite poor country. As Cindy rambled on and on in Asian, I took out my phone and took a selfie with the whole board in the background and posted it on insta. My 14241 followers would like totally freak! I commented how Cindy was chanting in Asian and how Sherry was setting up the pretty designer candles. They cost $30 dollars a piece.


Stupid Sherry just had to cramp my style to tell me that Asian is not a language. What is with her? She’s lucky I let her hang out with me. I bet she’s never even seen an Asian. Cindy just kept chanting and the lights began to flicker. She stopped speaking Asian and told me the Demon was here. It’s this demon named Zozo and he’s like this celebrity demon and he’s really famous and I’m gonna get so many followers when he shows us. Maybe I’ll get an endorsement deal when this is over. I’m gonna be like Kylie Jenner, but like prettier.


The thing on the board started to move. Cindy said it’s a blanshet(?) Planchit? Oh I dunno. It started to go to all kinds of letters and numbers on the board and Cindy said it spelled “You’re doomed”


Ugh! Whatever demon! He was being a real jerk, blowing air into the room. It messed up my hair. I wanna look perfect for my selfies. Sherry was being a total bitch yelling at me to stop fixing my hair and keep my hands on the board. I was just gonna tell her to stop policing me when the demon turned the lights off. No fair! He’s being like totally retarded. Doesn’t he know I need this for my insta followers. I mean, I’m like a role model to them.


I was just gonna tell Cindy to get him to turn the lights on when I heard Sherry make a weird noise. It was like the sound when a dog throws up or something.


GROSS! Now Sherry was leaking blood from her neck. It was dripping all over my $3000 Persian rug. Dammit Sherry! Cindy said she couldn’t hold the plankit thingie anymore cause it was hot. Bitch! Just make your retarded demon stop messing up my stuff!


Sherry was being totally lame just lying on the floor, leaking blood and making that dog puking noise. Ugh! The shit I put up with. Now Cindy was turning into this total dram queen spinning in circles. She knocked over my $200 Pink Himalayan Salt lamp. I’m like so woke, I’m actually into African culture. But stupid Cindy and Sherry were n my last nerve. I decided to tell this Zozo dude to stop being a jerk and take a selfie with me. I mean I let him into my nice room with all my nice stuff, it’s like the least he can do!


But then, the asshole knocked my phone out of my hand. What the actual fucking fuck! That’s like so rude! I was gonna tell him to get out when my closet door, my walk in closet door opened and my $1800 Gucci dress came flying out of it and started to go down Cindy’s throat. She took that whole dress down her throat. I knew she was a slut! She started to make the puking dog noises and then she just stopped. Whatever!


Sherry was now standing up. Her hair was a total mess and she was like all bloody and stuff. Hey! Maybe I could just take a selfie with her and post it on insta. I’ll just tell them it’s a demon. LOLZ! They’ll believe me. I’m gonna be an insta influenzer when this is done.


But stupid possessed Sherry wouldn’t hold still. She kept trying to get her hands around my neck. Bitch you’re getting blood on my perfect skin! If that wasn’t bad enough , these gross little insects started to come out of her ears and like they started to eat Cindy. Well, maybe that’s a good thing. Cindy should really lose some weight.


But wait, why do I feel like I can’t breathe? Sherry has her hands around my neck. Sherry stop being possessed and clean up this mess. Some friend you are!


And she’s grabbing my neck tighter. She totally ruined my selfie. Sherry! Are you for real killing me right now?


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